You will never get the time back!

This concept has hit me hard lately.  Watching Samuel grow up so rapidly is exciting, sad, and terrifying all at the same time. I love hearing his new vocabulary and his ability to formulate small sentences that are actually utilized correctly. I like seeing the development of his coordination and early sense of humor, but while all of this is taking place I completely understand that these firsts are also my lasts with him. It will be the last time I hear “lub yo” now that he can say “love you”. Both are music to my ears that make my heart feel warm, but one is different than the other in ways hard to explain. 

I watch Haley hold Samuel and give her whole life to his growth and development. The God given miracle of breastfeeding has much more attached to it than filling a hungry little mouth. The warmth of mama to her baby and of baby to mama creates a life long connection unique the mama and son. The fact that this beautiful life depends on her for his nourishment is designed for purposes greater than simply acquiring calories. The connection of the physical, emotional, and spiritual are all bricks in the foundation of this kids life and they become part of the structure being built on his mama’s foundation. Then one day the milk runs dry, the baby is weaned, and never again will she have those same intimate moments with her little boy. There will be new ones, just as precious and valuable, but this phase is over, forever. This seems especially emphasized after losing Miss Alexis. 

I want my boy to grow up to be a Godly man. I pray that he becomes a much better man than me, that shouldn’t be hard to do! For this to happen he has to move through these stages, taking from each one what he needs to succeed at the next. My lesson is to find the wisdom to help it happen and trust God the whole way in word and in action. 

I think back to Lexi. I connected with her on Jesus and Softball. We talked Jesus (an answer to my prayers) and we played catch in the yard (a sport I have always enjoyed). We would go to the school so she could practice her pitching. I have many memories of practices and games. There was something special in the successes and failures of watching her both in softball and her Christian walk. I never realized those would be my last memories of her. Everything I have with her is now frozen in my memories. I will never see her at her wedding, nor with a baby in her arms. I didn’t even get to see her graduate high school. In all this I have learned something big. As hard as it can be to move from phase to phase realizing I will never get that time back, it is even harder when that time becomes frozen and can no longer move ahead because of death or distance. 

Due to my job and a few things I have experienced in my life, I often, and occasionally vividly see death. I see it physically when the spirit simply leaves its earthly tent for another place, and I see it spiritually in those who have sipped the kool-aid of this world and shat on Jesus and His ways believing they are “good” people. They are those who have become so wise from their college education or earthly experiences that they have outsmarted God Himself! They have killed their own spirit by feeding it death instead of life. Unfortunately most have simply been duped by worldly wisdom that sounded good, educated professors who sound convincing to a youthful and un-discipled student population have created the “woke” generation! For a short moment of pleasure here on earth their souls will be eternally ended in hell. 

Numerous times in any given week I envision Haleys death in a multitude of violent or medical ways and often Samuel is right there with her. At times the images are so vivid they take my breath away and grip me with fear. During the pregnancy it was so strong that I found myself petitioning God multiple times a day to remove these images from me before I went crazy! Instead of removing them He taught me to trust Him in greater ways. However the answer was not what I had hoped for when I asked Him to promise me they would be safe. That answer came in the form of a reminder. For approximately three months after Lexi died God was so close to me that I can’t describe the peace and comfort I had in human terms. It was amazingly supernatural! Even in the midst of ridiculous gut wrenching pain, the kind that causes nausea and diarrhea, I loved the closeness to the Holy Spirit I felt during that time. God asked me, should something happen such as I was seeing in my head would I trust Him to be there with me as He was before, and would that be enough for me? He made it clear that He was unwilling to promise me anything except the fact He would be with me through any trial or tribulation that may come my way. After all, God truly is good beyond measure and I have no reason to doubt this. There is nothing in me that believes God desires harm for His children, but for the sake of the Kingdom and its masses He will allow things to test us, challenge us, and break us. Not to mention potentially place us in the way of death for purposes we may not fully comprehend. Do I sincerely trust Him with all of this or am I just talk? Time will tell. 

This may seem like an odd message to some, there is a purpose to it though. Life as we have always known it is about to change for us as a nation, the change has already begun and has been prophesied for thousands of years. The systems of this world are being dismantled in preparation for the return of our King. The Bible states this change will be unpleasant to say the least. The memories of my childhood and those of my parent’s and grandparents upbringing truly are history that we will never get back. The memories we are now creating will have some new challenges. They will  still hopefully carry some sentiment to hold on to and bring new smiles and laughs, but I fear there will be many tears and heartaches. We must relish the past and do our best to learn from the mistakes that humanity has made, all the while improving the good that has been done. We must not live in the future but never stop doing our best to plan ahead for the next milestone or unexpected curve in the road. We must realize that everything depends on what we do now, in the present. There are consequences for the actions of what we do here and now that will shape the future. We will never get these times back but we have a job to do! The Word of God is living and sharp enough to cut deep in to anything it touches.  I ask that we keep a few things in mind...

God. He has a plan and the basic skeleton of that plan is written out and unfolding in the physical realm before our eyes. If He doesn’t exist to you beware! You are already 3/4 of the way to complete darkness if the Creating Authority has no place in your life and the anti-Christ religion of communist thought has a death grip on you as we speak! 

Freedom! What is it? Where does it come from? Are the actions you are taking now helping to create more of it or are you taking it away by handing it over a government in the name of safety or fear? Have you researched for yourself freedoms history and the many times it has been taken from people for nearly every reason under the sun? The Bible teaches that freedom is only found in the presence of the Holy Spirit! 

Rules and regulations. We absolutely need a core set of rules and regulations. That being said that core set must act as the skeletal system of the body. Too many rules and regulations eliminate freedom, not enough removes safety and basic order. Our Constitution is a beautiful document biblically backed to free the oppressed! Capitalism is regulated by the people and if the government says out of it, it will take care of itself, socialism will absolutely kill our nation and flood us with rules and regulations at such a rapid rate that freedom will be eliminated in the name of the greater good. Big Brother does NOT have your best interests in mind, he has the desire to own you. 

You will never get this time back! It is time that should be used to stand up! Make the best out of the hand you are dealt at any given moment in this time God gives you. Love God, Love your spouse, love your children and family. Worship God in your actions with friends and neighbors.